Tim wrote the book "The Four-Hour Work Week" about a decade ago, and he appeared to me as a sort of cocky jock-y young male* who was suddenly famous and all over the media. (Disclaimer, I haven't read the whole book but have read excerpts and reviews. More on this in a moment.)
I love (LOVE) TED talks, and noticed he had one on fears vs. goals that sounded intriguing. I watched, and had to readjust my opinion of him due to his personal story, which I hadn't heard before, and the approach he presented to managing fear based on his experience and studies.
Here is the link to his talk. I highly recommend it.
Essentially, he suggests defining fears, imagine worst-case scenarios, and strategies for handling them if they come true. He calls it fear-setting, vs. goal setting, and it's quite compelling. (He has PDFs of the process available online if it speaks to you.)
I'm working with a lot of fears right now as I'm working on major work and life changes. Tim's approach has actually helped tremendously - it's getting me to plan and look at things, my goals, differently.
Anytime we can get out of thinking loops that have us stuck, it's a good thing.
*(Tim, I'm sorry for having a negative opinion of you based on not a lot of facts, and now I'm thankful for your story and the help you're providing to so many. I'm glad to know with education and an open mind I can change my beliefs and keep learning and growing.)
A while back in a musing I shared the story that comes from the Cherokee tradition, where an elder is talking to his grandson about life, about the pulls we feel inside:
“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.”
He continued, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Earlier today on Facebook and Instagram, in response to contemplating all this, I wrote this haiku:
love, and fear, creates
ripples sends waves reaching far
and wide: choose love, please
I have to remind myself of this all the time. We are wired to think negatively, to be aware of dangers and fears - it's what our brains do 80 % of the time. It takes effort to stay in the 20%. And it's worth it.
I've had some trying times lately that have brought sadness and anger and bewilderment. When I breathe deep, calm myself, close my eyes to shut off stimulus, let myself settle in - I go to grace and love, to gratitude, to remembering that I can feed fear or I can feed love within me.
It's good to think of worst-case situations to have plans in place. And, it's critical to imagine how it would look and feel if and when (saying "when" is so important) it's going well, if it works. If we start in a place of love, the latter feels more real and possible.
I hope you will choose love.
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