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That time I made a big mistake, and how I dealt with it

October 2, 2016

I made a mistake with someone.

 

A big one.

 

In processing it, I realized I had a very narrow focus going into the situation, which was a huge miscalculation on my part. The whole situation come into focus for me once the mistake was made and the someone reacted so negatively.

 

I felt horrible, HORRIBLE, for impacting someone this way. A guiding principle for me has always been "do no harm". It is not something I have done much of in life, thankfully, so I have little experience with it.

 

So I went and got quiet and observed the whole situation, my feelings, the someone's feelings, and clearly realized my error.

 

As I stayed in stillness, listening, feeling, letting go, being honest with myself, and then searching and listening for solutions and how to make amends and restore the situation as best I could, it was fascinating how fast new ideas came into my head.

 

It was dizzying how the solution that presented itself quickly was so clear and right, and made me joyful, quite honestly.

 

In the past, I may have spent that time beating myself up: I shouldn't have said that, that was so dumb! Why didn't I see that coming, why didn't I figure that out, why didn't I do it differently, what's wrong with me, that was so stupid... and on an on... until I was miserable. And this resolved nothing - and made things worse, actually.

 

I'm so grateful that I've learned how potent stillness is, how powerful getting honest with oneself and feeling all the feelings, and letting them pass is. That the storm can be weathered by going to a boat of truth and calm, and once it passes, how beautiful it all is.

 

Choosing not to make myself suffer with my own thoughts has made a huge shift in me, and resulted in me seeking stillness as my refuge, and it becoming the way I solve problems, open up creativity, find compassion and healing, and so much more. 

 

I apologized quickly to the someone and told them my solution, which actually is exactly what they wanted all along (in addition to it being a huge gift to me). The someone has not exactly accepted the apology though expressed some appreciation about the solution. I respect that. We all have our own process.

 

It will take time to restore the trust from the someone. And, it may never happen. But I don't know, obviously. We shall see. I can't control someone else's outcome. I accept that.

 

I am trusting the unfolding.

 

I am holding the space with healing and compassion, for myself and the someone, and that is all I can do right now. And that is enough.

 

I hope this story helps you in some way. Thank you for witnessing it. 

 

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The photo is of a painting, "Crow Boy", by Anna Magruder, a dear friend of mine. It spoke to me today, simply, and so I'm sharing it. Please enjoy her work, and support her and other local artists.  (I sometimes share links of friends' businesses out of pure admiration and joy, and get no financial reward for it.)

 

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If I can help you process a mistake, examine your thoughts differently, learn to go to stillness, please connect with me. I would be honored. Peace.

 

 

 



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