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Running from yourself, or to yourself?

April 30, 2016

I found myself running recently

Not something I do or have done very often (not my cardio of choice, nor possible when I was really overweight/for most of my life).

Yet, my body enjoyed it.  My lungs reminded me they need some attention, the kind running requires.  Noted.  

>>> The rose.  Has no connection to running.  As yet.  It's just there for beauty's sake.  We all need beauty.  Always.  It helps whether running or not. Hmm, now it's connected.  <<<

I have also been running from myself recently, frequently.

I had a moment of recognition that I was witnessing that, and wondered aloud, what am I running from?  

It's not possible to run from myself, is it?  As the saying goes, everywhere you go, there you are, after all.

We do try, though.  To run from thoughts.  From difficult feelings.  From decisions.  From challenges.  Even from things that are joyful, feel good.  

We are curious beings, aren't we.

Then, I thought, hmm, if I'm running from myself, where do I think I'm going? Am I really trying to run from myself, or am I trying to run to something.  Perhaps, TO myself?

>>> Let's run to the rose again for a moment, and get lost in the beautiful forest of it for a while, as we sort this through. <<<

In what I thought was running from myself - which we humans often do in the form of drinking/drugs, overeating, gambling, overspending, as well as positive things that are still based on avoidance - I had this moment of realizing I really was trying to run to myself, to what I needed, to what I wanted.  I was just going about it in an unhelpful way in that moment.  

It made me pause and think about my past choices of running away in various forms.  Had I realized I was actually seeking myself, my true, essential self, in the running, my, how different things may have turned out.  

 

But things have turned out as they were supposed to.  Thank goodness.

What are you running from, or what have you run from?  

Did you have a sense of running to something along with trying to escape whatever you were running from?  

What were you hoping to find or get in the running?  Relief from difficult feelings?  Insight?  Someone or something to rescue you?  Numbness?  The thrill of the running?  Didn't know, didn't care, just ran?  Peace?  Nothingness?  

>>> Rose time, again.  Breathe it in, smell that heady fragrance. Imagine crawling up and around the petals, to get into the center, sitting inside that gorgeous heart of it, safe, comforted, surrounded by that light.  <<<

 

Pay attention to what you find in the running.  The fears, the thoughts, the feelings, all are there to help you if you will only let them catch up with you, run with you.


I don't have a neat wrap-up for this musing today.  I am still sitting with the idea that my running from myself was actually a running to myself, and that is pretty profound for me.  (While I'm an abstract thinker of great ability [maybe], ahem, I'm also dense and concrete as hell sometimes; I'm not sure which category this musing falls into which might mean it's both.  Or neither.) 

I am letting it just be in my mind and heart for a while.  I am getting fond of thinking I was running to myself.  How wonderful, yes, that I am my best refuge and destination, in the end.  

Thank you for hanging in there with me on this.  I would love to know your musings and reactions to it, this being a departure from my typical writing.  


>>> For now, I'm going back to the rose, to sit in the center of that forest of beauty for a while. <<<

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If you wish to return to yourself, are interested in connecting with your intuition, in healing what hurts, and dreaming and scheming, and taking action in small and big ways, I would love to work with you.  If you or someone you know is in need of this kind of coaching, please contact me with questions or to set up a discovery call and let's get started.  It will be an honor and a privilege. 


With much love and respect,

Lauren

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