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I love fall. I love falling, too.

September 23, 2016

Have you heard of trust falls? I first did in my graduate program in counseling. The professor asked someone to come up to help him demonstrate, and no one wanted to. My friend Penny was the brave one to volunteer. 

The professor asked her to stand in front of him a few feet, put her arms out to the side parallel to the ground, close her eyes, and then fall backward. He promised he would catch her and not let her fall. We all looked at each other a little nervously. Penny took a big breath, shrugged, closed her eyes, and fell backward.

And he caught her, of course, no problem. We all found this mesmerizing... (we later learned that he only gave two As in the course, and one always went to the person who volunteered for this. True story; questionable practice; Lucky Penny.)

I feel as though I've been in a perpetual trust fall for a while now, and perhaps never more so than right now (see last week's newsletter/blog post in case you missed it). 

My word for the year has been Trust. Countless really good things have come from trusting this year. Another constant word for the year has been Surrender. I've only recently connected that the two together essentially equal a trust fall. 

I've also realized, through examining my mind more deeply this past month, that I wasn't always really surrendering when I thought I was. I was still trying to control the surrender - "I'm surrendering, Divine, really I am!" and then in the background of my mind I heard myself say something like 'but I want it to look THIS way, I want THIS outcome, but I'm surrendering, really I am!'

I further realized that it was only the true surrenders, the actual trust falls that brought the beautiful outcomes I never saw coming. 

And how, you may ask, did I finally, truly learn to surrender? 

By letting go, and letting myself have all my feelings about something, acknowledging the hurt or the confusion or anger or hopelessness, and letting those moments pass, letting those thoughts go, over and over, and over and over, until there were no more feelings coming up.  

Letting go and letting go until there was silence and stillness and peace inside, falling into that velvety safety of peace, acceptance, and ultimately trust that it would all be okay, I am okay, at least in this moment, and letting that moment continue and continue.

It is a practice. Sometimes moment by moment. Sometimes it extends for several minutes, hours. Moment by moment is all I really count on though. (For all we have, actually, is the present moment...)

 

Some have commented "but that is so hard to do, to really let go and trust."

Yes, it is - and, yet, it's still easier and has better outcomes than the hard of continuing to cause my own suffering by thinking and analyzing and grasping and holding onto what's not working, what's not happening, what I don't like, what I'm afraid of, "why did they do that, why didn't they do that, they should have done that, they shouldn't have done that", and on and on... that is far harder to live in day after day after year after year.  

I've done both, and the trust falls and surrenders are far preferable, and far less hard. Trust me.

I love the peace of them. I love the wonder of what unfolds as a result. I love the curiosity it has created in me, the opening up I have experienced.

This has allowed new thoughts and ideas and dreams to show up. This has made me see and hear the messages and possibilities that present themselves all the time - I was blind and deaf to them because of my overthinking and perseverating and fears and everything else going on in my mind.

I encourage you to love the fall, to find your own way to do trust falls, to surrender and feel the support that shows up to catch you. Falling ends up feeling like flying, and then freedom, and then most certainly peace. 

Fall feels like peace to me, a beautiful surrender in a blaze of color and glory, leading the way to rest and then the allowing of new things to grow.  

If I can help you learn to trust fall, know that I will be very glad to catch you. 

With love and peace and trust,
Lauren

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