100 pounds ago

November 22, 2015

I couldn’t cross my legs.


I was that large person no one sat by on the bus until it was the very last seat available.


More than one flight of stairs and I began to breathe heavily.


Clothes shopping was an exercise in frustration and humiliation.


People looked right through or past me as if I wasn’t there.


I frequently declined to have my picture taken, as I didn’t want those who hadn’t seen me in a while to see how large I’d become, and I really didn't want to see myself in this state.


I avoided social gatherings, especially active ones.


The shame stung me daily, and I threw ice cream on it, hoping that would cool it down.


The despair hung on me daily, like a wet, heavy blanket that I could not shake off.


I smiled and gave no indication (or so I thought, denial being what it is) of the depth of how I was feeling about myself.


It took chest pain, the kindest naturopath ever, and a lot of undoing of beliefs and patterns to help me get to the now, and be able to look back on 100+ pounds ago with compassion and peace.


I had no compassion for myself back then, just judgment and harshness and disdain.  This was learned.  We arrive in this world as pure unconditional love, and we are taught the opposite in countless ways from many sources. Thankfully, miraculously, it can be unlearned, and replaced with self-compassion.


Self-compassion and self-care are the most important gifts you can give yourself.  If I can go from that dark and unhappy place to having love and compassion for my past self and my present self, I know that you and others can, too:  I implore you to know that it is never completely hopeless, you are never completely hopeless.  


Everything is possible with courage, and everyone is capable of courage.  



I help people transform pound by pound to a self and life they love.  I'm a certified life coach with a M.A. in Counseling, and I focus on helping others find the courage and do the work of making personal changes by creating safe space and providing compassionate, practical support .  If you'd like information on working with me, no matter what your weight or life issue, please click here.




Find me at, and on Facebook, Lauren Oujiri Coaching.


Thank you for this. Thank you for sharing your story!
By: Dennise on November 22, 2015
Hi Louren, Congratulations girl, amazing results! I totally agree with you, we can do wonders only if we put our mind into it. Love your story, thank you for sharing!
By: Emi on November 22, 2015
The shame stung me daily, and I threw ice cream on it, hoping that would cool it down. Great imagery! And haven't we all felt that way at some time. Thanks for sharing your shame and your gain!
By: on November 22, 2015
Thank you for sharing. How brave.
By: Jennifer on November 23, 2015
Lauren, you're beautiful inside and out! Thanks so much for sharing... You're an inspiration!
By: Andi on November 23, 2015
Love this! As a coach and as a person looking at an extra 100 pounds. Thank you! Your vulnerability is a gift.
By: Kirsten on November 24, 2015

Leave a Comment


Return to Blog Main Page